Twisted,
My heart, my emotions, my belief of who I thought I was who I wanted to be
For now I am incomplete in my eyes and it makes me question was I ever complete or was this image of me a lie
Crazy,
Thoughts of passion, and complex positions floods my mind turning me inside out making my head pound and my body shiver with pent up frustration and impossible situations.
Wrong,
To feel, to seek, To want, to crave, to hurt, to lust, to desire, to be bold, to take, to build, to hunger, to lose faith…to lose faith
I am a sea of turbulence, a finger painting gone horribly wrong, unable to function without the answers to my questions.
Why me? Why are you here? Why now?
I understand that destiny has played a cruel joke, and perhaps I am suppose to learn from this and let go, but my gut is twisted, my mind is crazy and my feelings are wrong.
I am simply a mess.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The Introduction
DARREN
My ears are burning, my nose is running and I feel like the biggest idiot in the world standing on this subway platform. Why am I here? What the hell was I thinking flying all the way to Toronto? I should have taken a cab to her office, but no. This was what she wanted. What we talked about time after time. People bundled up in heavy puffy coats were giving me strange looks. I know what they’re thinking and I don’t blame them one bit. This cashmere overcoat I threw on is barely keeping my butt warm. Damn, I hate cold weather. I run my fingers over my earlobes. I can’t feel a thing. You see, this is why I moved to Miami. Nothing, but sunshine and beaches all year round. Sure there is the occasional hurricane and heavy rain…wait…I see you. You’re standing just a few feet away from me. Your lips are curved in to a cute little smile. I exhale deeply and make my approach. How are you doing, I ask. You look at me. Take in my essence. Your smile widens. Fine, you reply. How are you? I say I’m cool now that I am in the presence of such a beautiful woman like yourself. My morning is going great. You smile. I ask where you are on your way to. I watch your eyebrows rise. You have no idea why I am intruding in your world. You think I’m a stranger. To work, you reply. Cool, me too I added, but only kidding. The train finally arrives. We jump on. It’s crowded standing room only, so we stand together our jackets almost touching, me inhaling your fresh morning scent. I am mesmerized by your eyes; your pictures don’t do them justice. What street are you exiting at, I inquire. I watch your full lips form each word. This is my stop, you say. I say cool, mine is next. What a coincidence we’re going to the same area. You smile. You kind of remind me of someone I hear you say. Who, I ask, trying to conceal my smile. You shake your head and whisper, never mind. It’s not possible. I smile because you are only half right. Your stop approaches. You look into my eyes one more time, smile and step away as the doors open. Hey I say, what’s your name? Asia, you yell, what’s yours? Darren I respond. I smile as I watch your eyes widen in surprise. The door closes and the train speeds off.
ASIA
My heart knocks against my rib cage as the train eases away from the platform. Oh my god! It can’t be him, but yet I can’t move. People are pushing and bumping me out of there way, but I barely notice. What do I do? Was it really him? It couldn’t be. But before I wait for the next train. As I board it, my heart begins to race, my palms start to sweat and I absently rub them on my thighs. The train stops at the next station. I exit and stand nervously on the platform. As the morning crowd thins, I look around. I can barely breathe. I watch as the morning commuters head up the stairs and escalators; anxiously waiting because I know this is where I'm suppose to be. Something magical is suppose to happen here…I can feel it. This is where it all begins…but nothing happens. Eagerly, I glance around the almost empty platform, and just as the doubt begins to crawl into my heart...I hear you say...What took you so long? On shaky legs I turn towards you and say...I wasn't sure it was you...You take a closer step. I can smell your cologne, feel your heat, hear your heart...or is it mine. So how did you know you ask? Reaching down I take your hand touching you for the very first time. Your voice I say…My body knows your voice.
DARREN
You’re surprised. I can see it in your eyes. You shaved, you say eyeing my goatee. An appreciative smile dances on your lips. I guess I could have sent you a recent picture, but I wanted to surprise you. Remember, what we talked about before, I quizzed. I watch as your eyes widen in shock and uneasily look around. You nod slowly. Are you still heading to work, I ask. You nervously bite your lower lip. No, you reply after awhile. I’m spending the day with you, you say. I pull you close and inhale your scent. I trace the strong curve of your face with my finger. Caramel…your skin is the colour of creamy caramel…and I bet you taste just as good, if not better. We get back on the train and head over to the Lavier Spa and Resort talking the whole time as if this was any ordinary day. But as we book the room, you become strangely quiet. One day, I whisper. One day, you confirm. Before we enter the room you grab hold of my hand and study my wedding band. I look at yours. Your old man has taste. He has fantastic taste…he picked you. I squeeze your hand. You all right, I ask. You squeeze back and nod.
ASIA
The room is beautiful...decorated in creams and light shades of violet...flowers everywhere with a fireplace already lit...warming everything. I watch you remove your coat, making yourself comfortable. I'm uneasy...my heart is racing and my legs feel weak. After all this time...I'm finally going to feel you, touch you.... taste you. Why are you being so shy you ask? I'm not shy, I say as your hazel eyes pierce through me robbing me of my confidence. Why do you have to look so good? I can’t believe you flew all this way…and why now? You cross the room with confident strides, remove my coat and pull me into your arms. Are you sure you want this, I ask. You cup my face with your surprisingly soft hands. You tenderly kiss my forehead, my eyelids my nose and then my lips...slipping your tongue inside my mouth you run your hands down my back wrapping your arms around me. I moan softly as I press my body against yours for support. How can you ask such a question, you breathe against my cheek. I need this...I need you, you say covering my mouth with yours.
DARREN
I watch as you walk over to the fireplace and remove your shoes. Your lips are slightly swollen from our kiss. I offer you a mimosa, which you politely sip…the shakiness of your hand gives you away. Is this what you want I ask. You take your time to answer. I’ve never done this before you say. It’s not the answer I’m looking for. Why couldn’t you say yes? Why couldn’t you admit that you need me as much as I need you? Maybe I just need to relax, you state. I nod in agreement. I don’t want to rush you. I take a seat on a overstuffed sofa and watch as you fiddle with the stereo, searching for a station. You find Luther and Cheryl singing, ‘If This World Were Mine’. Dance with me, you say. Your voice is unsteady and your vulnerability touches me somewhere deep inside. Say please, I tease. A soft smile touches your lips. Pretty please, you say barely above a whisper sending a chill through my body. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. Damn…what you do to me…
ASIA
I wrap my arms around your neck. You feel so good. Your scent is intoxicating and if you were not holding me right now, I would surely fall flat on my ass. You match my every move, your body never leaving mine. I’m lightheaded, maybe a little tipsy from the champagne. But if anything, I am more aware. I’m aware of the shape of your mouth…generous and full, your eyelashes…long and soft, your chiseled chest…muscular and smooth, the strength in your back, the curve of your behind. I’m aware of your vibe. I hold you tight; you squeeze me tighter, rubbing my body with such intensity, that each touch burns. Damn Asia, you whisper in my ear. You’re not suppose to feel this good you say. I smile and flick your ear with my tongue. I hear you groan. I take a look at my wedding band and inhale slowly. I step away shedding the warmth of your arms and instantly missing them. My mind is racing. I can’t think. I can’t comprehend my feelings. All I know is that I can’t find a reason strong enough to leave…because right now, at this very moment you are all I want. At this moment, you are all I need. Asia, I hear you whisper. We could watch television, maybe order up a movie, you suggest. True, I answer, touched by your understanding. But I’m going to need your undivided attention, I say and slowly begin to unbutton your shirt.
My ears are burning, my nose is running and I feel like the biggest idiot in the world standing on this subway platform. Why am I here? What the hell was I thinking flying all the way to Toronto? I should have taken a cab to her office, but no. This was what she wanted. What we talked about time after time. People bundled up in heavy puffy coats were giving me strange looks. I know what they’re thinking and I don’t blame them one bit. This cashmere overcoat I threw on is barely keeping my butt warm. Damn, I hate cold weather. I run my fingers over my earlobes. I can’t feel a thing. You see, this is why I moved to Miami. Nothing, but sunshine and beaches all year round. Sure there is the occasional hurricane and heavy rain…wait…I see you. You’re standing just a few feet away from me. Your lips are curved in to a cute little smile. I exhale deeply and make my approach. How are you doing, I ask. You look at me. Take in my essence. Your smile widens. Fine, you reply. How are you? I say I’m cool now that I am in the presence of such a beautiful woman like yourself. My morning is going great. You smile. I ask where you are on your way to. I watch your eyebrows rise. You have no idea why I am intruding in your world. You think I’m a stranger. To work, you reply. Cool, me too I added, but only kidding. The train finally arrives. We jump on. It’s crowded standing room only, so we stand together our jackets almost touching, me inhaling your fresh morning scent. I am mesmerized by your eyes; your pictures don’t do them justice. What street are you exiting at, I inquire. I watch your full lips form each word. This is my stop, you say. I say cool, mine is next. What a coincidence we’re going to the same area. You smile. You kind of remind me of someone I hear you say. Who, I ask, trying to conceal my smile. You shake your head and whisper, never mind. It’s not possible. I smile because you are only half right. Your stop approaches. You look into my eyes one more time, smile and step away as the doors open. Hey I say, what’s your name? Asia, you yell, what’s yours? Darren I respond. I smile as I watch your eyes widen in surprise. The door closes and the train speeds off.
ASIA
My heart knocks against my rib cage as the train eases away from the platform. Oh my god! It can’t be him, but yet I can’t move. People are pushing and bumping me out of there way, but I barely notice. What do I do? Was it really him? It couldn’t be. But before I wait for the next train. As I board it, my heart begins to race, my palms start to sweat and I absently rub them on my thighs. The train stops at the next station. I exit and stand nervously on the platform. As the morning crowd thins, I look around. I can barely breathe. I watch as the morning commuters head up the stairs and escalators; anxiously waiting because I know this is where I'm suppose to be. Something magical is suppose to happen here…I can feel it. This is where it all begins…but nothing happens. Eagerly, I glance around the almost empty platform, and just as the doubt begins to crawl into my heart...I hear you say...What took you so long? On shaky legs I turn towards you and say...I wasn't sure it was you...You take a closer step. I can smell your cologne, feel your heat, hear your heart...or is it mine. So how did you know you ask? Reaching down I take your hand touching you for the very first time. Your voice I say…My body knows your voice.
DARREN
You’re surprised. I can see it in your eyes. You shaved, you say eyeing my goatee. An appreciative smile dances on your lips. I guess I could have sent you a recent picture, but I wanted to surprise you. Remember, what we talked about before, I quizzed. I watch as your eyes widen in shock and uneasily look around. You nod slowly. Are you still heading to work, I ask. You nervously bite your lower lip. No, you reply after awhile. I’m spending the day with you, you say. I pull you close and inhale your scent. I trace the strong curve of your face with my finger. Caramel…your skin is the colour of creamy caramel…and I bet you taste just as good, if not better. We get back on the train and head over to the Lavier Spa and Resort talking the whole time as if this was any ordinary day. But as we book the room, you become strangely quiet. One day, I whisper. One day, you confirm. Before we enter the room you grab hold of my hand and study my wedding band. I look at yours. Your old man has taste. He has fantastic taste…he picked you. I squeeze your hand. You all right, I ask. You squeeze back and nod.
ASIA
The room is beautiful...decorated in creams and light shades of violet...flowers everywhere with a fireplace already lit...warming everything. I watch you remove your coat, making yourself comfortable. I'm uneasy...my heart is racing and my legs feel weak. After all this time...I'm finally going to feel you, touch you.... taste you. Why are you being so shy you ask? I'm not shy, I say as your hazel eyes pierce through me robbing me of my confidence. Why do you have to look so good? I can’t believe you flew all this way…and why now? You cross the room with confident strides, remove my coat and pull me into your arms. Are you sure you want this, I ask. You cup my face with your surprisingly soft hands. You tenderly kiss my forehead, my eyelids my nose and then my lips...slipping your tongue inside my mouth you run your hands down my back wrapping your arms around me. I moan softly as I press my body against yours for support. How can you ask such a question, you breathe against my cheek. I need this...I need you, you say covering my mouth with yours.
DARREN
I watch as you walk over to the fireplace and remove your shoes. Your lips are slightly swollen from our kiss. I offer you a mimosa, which you politely sip…the shakiness of your hand gives you away. Is this what you want I ask. You take your time to answer. I’ve never done this before you say. It’s not the answer I’m looking for. Why couldn’t you say yes? Why couldn’t you admit that you need me as much as I need you? Maybe I just need to relax, you state. I nod in agreement. I don’t want to rush you. I take a seat on a overstuffed sofa and watch as you fiddle with the stereo, searching for a station. You find Luther and Cheryl singing, ‘If This World Were Mine’. Dance with me, you say. Your voice is unsteady and your vulnerability touches me somewhere deep inside. Say please, I tease. A soft smile touches your lips. Pretty please, you say barely above a whisper sending a chill through my body. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. Damn…what you do to me…
ASIA
I wrap my arms around your neck. You feel so good. Your scent is intoxicating and if you were not holding me right now, I would surely fall flat on my ass. You match my every move, your body never leaving mine. I’m lightheaded, maybe a little tipsy from the champagne. But if anything, I am more aware. I’m aware of the shape of your mouth…generous and full, your eyelashes…long and soft, your chiseled chest…muscular and smooth, the strength in your back, the curve of your behind. I’m aware of your vibe. I hold you tight; you squeeze me tighter, rubbing my body with such intensity, that each touch burns. Damn Asia, you whisper in my ear. You’re not suppose to feel this good you say. I smile and flick your ear with my tongue. I hear you groan. I take a look at my wedding band and inhale slowly. I step away shedding the warmth of your arms and instantly missing them. My mind is racing. I can’t think. I can’t comprehend my feelings. All I know is that I can’t find a reason strong enough to leave…because right now, at this very moment you are all I want. At this moment, you are all I need. Asia, I hear you whisper. We could watch television, maybe order up a movie, you suggest. True, I answer, touched by your understanding. But I’m going to need your undivided attention, I say and slowly begin to unbutton your shirt.
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